Sometimes I do stupid things and I don't know why.
Who decides to put a stop to a supersonic Diet Coke addiction on the Easter weekend?!
|(ex) Diet Coke loverrrrrrr|
Well, that's what I have done. I am no longer a Diet Coke drinker. I don't drink that stuff. "Diet Coke?" "No thanks."
It's been 8 hours and 2 minutes......................
I won't bore you with the ins and outs of my addiction - if you're interested you can read this post: My name is Kate, and I'm a Diet Coke addict But just take it from me - I've been hooked for years, and up until 7am this morning, I have been drinking around 6-8 cans or bottles of Diet Coke a day. It's been an addiction in every sense of the word.
Ever since my first 12WBT finale weekend, I've been aware that maybe this is something that I should consider stopping. When you throw yourself head first into a complete health revolution
with a group of people doing the same, it's inevitable that they are going to have some
|Last Diet Coke in the car|
|Bye bye Diet Coke :(|
On Tuesday night this week I was out at dinner and somehow I made a promise to a friend, Ruth. That this morning, at 7am, using parkrun as an event to mark this, I would stop drinking Diet Coke. In essence, I was stuck on this goal that I had procrastinated for so long and this night I made a decision. Well, to be more accurate,
a promise. #whydoesruthknowmesowell?!
So that meant 3 days of OD'ing on my last Diet Coke carton, prior to 7am this morning. People were awesome in the lead up - a whole stack of 30+ers -- amazing women -- have made pledges to also give up soft drinks, specific food, and cigarettes today. One of my workmates is giving up sugar this weekend - and another is trying to decide what he can stop just so he can join us in quitting something! People have been lovely and supportive and it was a really nice lead up.
However..on Thursday afternoon I posted on Instagram a photo of my last Diet Coke bought from the work vending machine. My friend Sarah commented on the picture, just an innocent, normal comment, but it sent me spinning. She asked WHY I was doing this.
|The handshake that sealed the promise!|
I seriously stopped - I was stumped. I DIDN'T KNOW! "Because I promised Ruth" didn't seem to be a valid response. Nor was it, of course, withstanding.
WHY ON EARTH WAS I DOING THIS?!
I truly, honestly, didn't know. I spoke to some friends and they gave me some good reminders. I spent an hour or so on Google last night and read about aspartame...phenylalanine... blah blah blah. To be honest? Nothing jumped out. I just glossed over it. I was still going to do this though! I'd put it on Facebook! I had to now!
But I needed a real reason. It would never last unless there was a pretty damn good point for doing this.
|Last Diet Coke from the work vending machine|
I guess I had to treat it like when I quit smoking...just trust that when I'm told it's bad for me, that
|7am today - it's time!|
Up until last night / this morning, I still didn't know exactly why I was doing this. The promise to Ruth and the public statement on the 30+ Facebook page weren't enough to hold this up. Yet I still decided to do it.
At 6:55am I finished my last Diet Coke. I ran parkrun. And then I was officially a non Diet Coke drinker.
The reason I did this, and the reason I have been crying on and off since 7am this morning, was something else that I have pieced together since last night.
I've got this friend who has been so supportive of all of this you see...she's smart and she's lovely and I respect her a lot more than she probably knows. She said to me last night that she suspects that my addiction may be emotional rather than only physical. <Insert-head-strong-no-way-is-this-emotional-what-are-you-talking-about-as-if-it's-emotional-teenager-rant-here> But, ummm, that was it!
After I allowed myself to be honest and rationalise this, I realised that, that was the exact point.
Yes my addiction was physical and it's been a pretty good 'everything' replacement for so long - and giving it up I'll get headaches and withdrawals but I'll get through that. But the real fear factor
|Courtney and I at parkrun. Court gave up Coke Zero too!|
Last year I quit smoking. I no longer turn to cigarettes.
And of course I have been curing myself of emotional eating - I no longer turn to food.
And now I can't turn to Diet Coke??
What am I supposed to turn to now?
That's it! That is why this is so big. And that is why I had to do this.
It's just Moment #357 of this journey that I am on.
I didn't cope well today. I'm embarrassed to say that I turned to food. But just for today. I felt lost and naked and like I needed something to fill that void. That was until I realised that I have a void! Now that I realise this, I have to be brave and let it go.....
I've been sitting here reassessing my goals and reflecting on where I have been. Alcohol,
|Throwing the last can in the bin...|
My journey is about this girl below: raw - with no addictive poisoning overconsumed products to mask her anymore.
And very exciting.
|Just me now.|