Operation Work My Ass Off (#owmao)

So, #owmao, huh?  In other words, #osmf (Operation Slap My Face).

Alrighty.

We're now 1/3 of the way through this round.  4 weeks down, 8 weeks to go. I've had my fired up whingey post about my ankle and I've had my D&M posts about my moment of truth and revelations etc. etc. etc..

Time to cut out the whiney-ness all round and get to the crux of where I am and reassess.

To be honest?  Right now, I am:

Not.impressed.with.myself.

That's right.

I like my stats:

The past 4 weeks:

Group fitness test in Week 4

• I have lost 8.9kg / 7.2%
• I am 26.1cm smaller
• I did my fitness test with the QLD Crew (photos on this post) and you can see my results on my Coco's Stats page: all improved.

However I am frustrated at myself.  For a few reasons which include the fact that I know I could have done better; I have not stuck to my mini goals; and I have been off track the last few days in a HUGE way.  I am proud of my results but I still have that straight A school girl mentality thing inside of me that says "you did really well but what if you actually put everything into it??  You could have done so much better."  (#noperfectionisthere #havenoideawhatyouretalkingabout!)

I have been really bad the last few days.  I have eaten a lot of crap.  I could even see it coming.  I am really disappointed in myself.  I am not going to make excuses or explore why.  This was a bad relapse - like 16 year old bad.  Like the full extent of it is perhaps not appropriate for this blog bad. The fact is that I did it and shaming myself on here by saying it out loud is almost as hard to take as it is beating myself up.  And if that's not hard enough, the gain that I know that I will see on the scales on Wednesday will definitely be punishment enough.

The Great Wall of Kate!

This happened partially because I have not been following my mini goals that I set for myself:

Daily - Stick to nutrition plan - Not 100%

Daily - Stick to training plan - Not 100% Daily - Track all food - Not 100%

Daily - Track all exercise - Not 100%

Daily - Drink 4L water a day - Not 100%

Weekly - Enter weekly challenge - On track

Weekly - Publish photo in yellow dress - On track

Weekly - Do a cook up - On track

Weekly - Go through nutrition plan / plan meals / shop - Not 100% 

Weekly - Watch all of Mish's videos - Not 100%

Weekly - Read blogs - Not 100%

Monthly - Reassess goals - On track (that's what I'm doing now!)

I didn't make these mini goals for the fun of it.  I made these for myself because I knew they would work.  I knew they would help me to stay on track.  Well, I didn't stick to them 100% over the last week or so, and look where I ended up!

So no whingeing, no analysing, just one pure and simple question now:

• Is what I am doing taking me closer to or further away from my goal?

I need a good slap on my face and kick up my backside, which don't you worry, I am giving to myself.  So, it is time for #owmao (it sounds like an injured cat!)  But seriously?  If I want what I want, and I do, then I have to work my ass off.  Literally.  It's back to routine for me today.  So back to organisation.  Back to basics.  Back to the mini goals that will keep me on track.  Back to remembering what I want and focussing all of my energies onto it.

I know better.  I'm not going to waste time beating myself up over it either.  The feeling inside of me is bad enough :(  A relapse doesn't mean that I've 'wrecked it'.  It's simply a small setback that I can learn from.

Two beautiful friends sent me the below two pictures.  To me, they say the same thing.

My heart is set on something and I will go out and achieve it.  I know the path I want to take.  I am on it!  I just have to work my ass of to get there now.  No more being an idiot.  Back to basics.  One footlight at a time, yes, but some damn hard work also.  I'm cutting out the noise and the distractions and just continuing on with some good old fashioned...hard work.  What does my heart want?  I know.

Dream it, see it, plan it, be it.
Achieve it.

I'm off to have a shower and take some Valerian that I bought today.  Am hoping this will help me to fall asleep in my bed and not other places :(  At boot camp breakfast...in a work meeting...in another place I have mentioned :(  Just in bed would be nice thanks.

Wish me luck for a good nights sleep.

And when I wake up, look out world.
"Operation Not Working To My Full Potential And Occassionally Relapsing" ends.
And "Operation Work My Ass Off" commences.

I've got this ;)

<3